An Adult View of Expectations & Love

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."

“All human development comes out of desire, and these aspirations do not have to be an affliction” –H H the Dalai Lama

To the average person, Life is an enigma, a deep mystery, complex, an incomprehensible problem, or appears so, but when we understand life, it no longer appears mysterious.

The physical body is an animal body which mainly eats and reproduces. The big action in human life though is not eating and reproducing; the big action which consumes most of our attention in this life is feeling and thinking.

Most of us are unconscious victims of the tremendous traffic of thoughts which parades through the human mind minute-by-minute and hour-by-hour.The average life is, unfortunately, quite wasted in the effort to follow one's thoughts. Many incarnations are spent completely, in a frenzy of urgent desire, without any moment of "awakening" into enquiry. It is indeed a blessing to even begin to wonder about the suspicious origins of these urgent "mandates" and "directions" emitting from the Mind. 

The progress of the individual is largely determined by his ruling mental state, because the mind is the basic factor and governing power in his entire life. The ruling state of mind is made up of various mental attitudes which the individual adopts towards things, events, and life in general. If his attitudes are broad in mind, optimistic in tone, and true to life, his predominant mental state will correspond and exhibit a highly constructive and progressive tendency. As almost all the forces of the personality function through the conscious mind in one way or another, and as the daily mental and physical acts are largely controlled by the conscious mind, it is obvious that the leading mental state will determine the direction in which the powers of the individual are to proceed.

Thought is a subtle element; although it is invisible to the physical sight, it is an actual force or substance, as real as electricity, light, heat, water or even stone. We are surrounded by a vast ocean of thought stuff through which our thoughts pass like currents of electricity, or tiny streaks of light or musical waves. You can flash your thoughts from pole to pole, completely around the world many times in less than a single second. Our thought travels 930,000 times faster than the sound of our voice. No other force or power in the universe yet known is as great or as quick. It is a proven fact, scientifically, that the mind is a battery of force, the greatest of any known element.

If we take the thought of success and keep it in mind, the thought elements will be attracted, for "like attracts like." We are mentally drawn to the universal thought currents of success, and these thought currents of success are existent all around us. We will psychically contact minds who think along the same lines, and later such minds will be brought into our lives. Therefore, successful minded people help success to come to them. That is how successful living is founded.

The astral plane contains a huge "ocean of emotion". On the astral plane, negative thoughts will manifest in a roller-coaster of that surges from wild fantasies of total redemptive love to blackest despair of abandonment and total rejection unto death

The Law of the mind is in perpetual operation, and it works both ways. Persons who dwell on thoughts of failure or poverty will gravitate toward like conditions; they, in turn, will draw to them people who accept failure and poverty. On the other hand, we can think on positive conditions, on success and plenty, and in the same manner, enjoy full and plenty. What the mind holds within takes its form in the outer world.

All our thoughts must be directed to that one thing which we desire in order that our desire may be fulfilled. Our method is not manipulating two powers, but as we follow the Law of Good and dwell upon that which is good we shall bring to pass all good things.

LOVE & COMMON SENSE – AN ADULT VIEWPOINT

Normal Adult behaviour - behaviour that society admires and rewards - is all about predicting what other people are likely to do in various settings and developing responses to predictable behaviour. We know what to expect and what is expected of us. Investing our energies in rational prediction has definitely worked for us as a society. Adults are survivors. Adults have figured out what to expect from their environment. Adults don't make stupid mistakes like kids do. But adults also get sour and disappointed by life, whereas kids are generally happy go lucky and free from prejudice.

In order to love we have to give up all our adult information about how things work and what is realistic and give up our disappointment and fear of rejection and all the other ego protections that we have been conditioned on since school.

I know that giving up control of any section of one's life is the most difficult for adults. As we progress in life we create very respectable, responsible careers and rational, independent lifestyles marked with sensible, sustained adult behavior that respect the power of time, money, and reasonableness.

Maturity, rationale, logic are all social constructs of an adult world which we are conditioned to think like survivors from school, trained by, who else, Adults.. Maturity works well at work, in the place of worship, serving others charitably, when parenting, paying taxes, planning vacations... Almost all of the rational, socially responsible functions we perform within our extended family, corporate and community lives benefit from realistic, mature thinking.

Yet, maturity is the Kiss of Death in love.

Most people have trouble finding love and keeping it. Even if they "fall in love" temporarily they can't sustain it, so they split up and go through the cycle of love, disappointment, etc. again. Most people are serious repeat offenders in love. This is because most people are using their mental survival skills - using their built-up "smart" toolkit of predicting what others will do and avoiding getting hurt or starving - to run their love lives.

In fact, having love requires dumping all of your survival skills And being open like a silly little child. But wait, silly little children die first in war and famine. Absolutely right. Trusting, naïve children die first.  In order to have the love you want, it is required to be ridiculously open to it. I say ridiculously because it feels silly (in the beginning) for an accomplished, mature adult citizen to act like a silly kindergartener. But that is precisely what is required. 

 

We adults make agreements and promises with other adults and we build a very robust mental toolkit of behaviour expectations in various social environments. The Adult brain is constantly telling us to watch out for threats, be careful, and get enough to eat. Constantly. The brain signals our "new brains" - the reasoning brain, and the intuitive love brain - to focus their powers on defensive prediction of human behaviour.

In the area of human relations, increasing maturity means increasing certainty about what to expect from other people. In your case, you are quite sure that this person whom you love, would have to follow certain preliminary steps in order to be with you. They must (1) make the first move so that your dignity is protected (2) abandon their moral principles (3) possibly make catastrophic changes in their family arrangements, and (4) all of these actions are motivated by the other person, not by you.

Our assessment of "what has to happen" is "right" in rational terms, correct from the point of view of an experienced socialized adult survivor. But its absolutely wrong from the love perspective! In the love world, our very sensible beliefs about "how things work" are huge obstacles to our happiness.

Fear is the great obstacle to love. Our fear of disappointment causes Over-predicting, and the over-predicting shuts down the beautiful golden advertising energy in our aura that says "love me now - we both feel it - merge with me". That golden energy is so amazing and so compelling but it can be shut down by the cold grey energy of fear. Insisting that love must conform to fear-based social expectations is doom for love. Love does not follow social rules. Love is the opposite of control, the opposite of reason, the opposite of fear...

Love is something else entirely. Love is the OPPOSITE of survival intelligence. Love requires trust. Abandon your survival fears that creates the expectations. Take the limits off on what must happen and in what order.. Moral principles are a social survival device and they do not particularly affect love which is a much bigger, much more subtle cosmic force.

Try outsourcing to the Divine. Tell the Divine that you love this person and you want to be held by them...let go and let god take over. The Divine has myriad ways of doing things in ways that we cannot even begin to comprehend the magnificence of full Divine power. 

To have love, to enter the " kingdom of heaven" of merging with Divine bliss, it is necessary to abandon one's beliefs about how things work and what is " impossible" and see things from the kindergartener's point of view.

We create every moment of our life experience through projecting our subconscious expectations upon the blank movie screen of our perceptions. Therefore, observing the intricate process of that projection will eliminate karma of powerlessness, victimization,  and enslavement very quickly. Our partners are actors on a movie screen. We are producing and directing this movie in real time. We each create our own reality on a minute-to-minute basis. We create the casting, we create the scenes. It is all one big huge projection. Everyone is projecting on everyone else. 

In fact it is not your partners choice. It is your choice. What they are doing is a function of what you subconsciously expect them to do. You probably don't realize it but your subconscious expectations are programming your beloved's responses to you.

The truth is that we are simply walking through a complex dance of agreements that we have made before birth with all of the partners we have in the current life. Hence, a spouse would have known her partner through many lifetimes. When it is time to activate the joint-past life karma, attraction happens, there is tangible soul recognition from past lifetimes. We attract and are attracted to partners with whom we have a past life agreement to work together on a grand mission towards our own self knowledge necessary to feel validated, balanced & complete within ourselves. the karmic forces of marriage are so strong that it matters not whether one chooses one's mate through "falling in love" or allows the mate to be chosen by ones social guardians. when it is time for the karmic partner to find you, they will find you. In the broader context, the word “partners”,means everyone with whom we have a relationship, from parent/child, Lover ; all of these relationships are scripted.

The scripts are stored in the subconscious. They are hard to get to because we “believe” there are no scripts and that things just happen randomly and that we have to put all our energy into surviving. There ARE scripts which dictate interactions in relationships, and we can change them as soon as we realize what is going on. Look into your expectations. Do you really expect to be loved unconditionally, or do you secretly expect to be denied the love that will nourish your soul because your parents told you - overtly or covertly - that you are not deserving of true love? That is worth checking out because that is a very likely unconscious love-seeking script stored in the subconscious.

Subconscious expectation is extremely strong and has built up through many lifetimes. Humans, at birth, carry in a great deal of reactive baggage from past lives. This great bundle of historic (but largely unconscious) memory of past life accrual is commonly called "karma" (the obligation to action and reaction). The vast majority of the expectations and beliefs are subconsciously held. Very few people "wake up" during life to realize that one is generating one's own reality precisely according to one's own mental and psychic practices. Precisely according to the map of the heavens. Reality is constantly being created by a mechanism of projection of accumulated expectations, many of them fear-driven, upon the blank screen of consciousness.

The power of flooding with prayer is well-known - the person simply prays constantly, with a single thought in mind, until that thought manifests. There is only one creative power in life, and that is the power of Divine Intelligence which runs through the human mind. Becoming a source of spiritual light by constant focus on good thoughts and well-wishing toward others, the person may find they become completely free of worry and want on the material plane

As our spiritual awareness expands, we learn to recognize the presence of many guiding forces that surround and protect us here on Earth.

However, there will always be one special, intimate relationship with a particular form of divine consciousness that makes us feel most deeply loved and cared for. In Sanskrit this special divine love partner is called the "Ishta-devata"or "the god of one's heart."Use the name of that divine protector whom you recognize most intimately That is the name which safeguards us while it resonates warmly in our heart.